Well, then. I am travelling again, carrying my basket of roadstories with me and collecting new ones. I am in India now, experiencing more beauty and dirt than ever before in my life. Visiting my parents, who have been travelling through India for six months now. It feels like my inner protection wall around my emotions is slowly flushed away by the waves of the ocean I am surrounded by every day. And due to my approach of honest answers and questions, I dare to share.
Today, I saw dolphins playing in the ocean from my place at the breakfast table.
Today, I married myself.*
At noon, my mother covered my eyes with her scarf and lead me to the tables. In front of me, a beautifully decorated table with a birthday cake, candles and blossomchains. My birthday, actually in january, is now celebrated once again with my parents. The cook brings Masala Chai and coffee, the two younger coworkers take photos from us. I get a plate with a heart of filled dates. And I have to cut the cake. I say thank you to all of them. Thank you. The Indians answer in placing their right hands on their hearts. It is a silent round, because only the cook speaks english.
I nod, when my mother asks me if I want to give the flowers into the ocean.
I have to be alone, after the last days have been quite intense. I get in my bathing suits under my clothes and wrap a read cloth around my hips.
I take the heavy yellow blossomchains and red hibiscus blossoms and walk to the sea, while the tears start rolling. On my way, I put the chains around my neck. The beach is more crowded than usually.
It feels like if I am letting my childhood behind. Finally. Like a coat, that sheds from my shoulders and leaves me feeling taller and higher.
So it must feel, when you are walking to the altar, I realize. Everybody is looking at me, I am so visible because of the vivid colourd blossoms around my neck.
I walk with my head held up high.
I climb up a red earthy rock at the foot of the cliff and wrap the blossoms around a coconut, which seems to lay there just for that purpose
Tears are rolling.
My soul expands.
I realize, that I will never be alone, as long as I am with me.
That I am responsible for myself and no one else.
Today, I marry myself.
The tears carry away the pain and leave space for forgiveness.
I forgive myself for all the pain I caused myself.
Today, I marry myself.
I say yes to me in this life.
Yes to being always with me.
There is peace in me.
Over my head, the hawks circle and the half moon starts to shine. In front of me, a path of golden waves extends to the sunset.
I watch the sky turning from blue to red into a darker blue. I wash my earthy hands in the sea. Let the ocean clean me. When I leave the beach, the bells of the Hindu temple on the hill start to ring, because it is an Indian holiday.
* The idea of marrying myself is not an idea of mine, but from German speaker and author Veit Lindau, who wrote a book called „Marry yourself“.