The bff. We met each other when we were seven on riding holidays, followed by hundreds of letters, then e-mails and hours of talking on the phone. The interview was held one day after Kira's
birthday on a trampoline in Brandenburg with salty Maulina- hotchocolate at the “Bude”, a farmhouse owned and created by Kira's boyfriend Helge together with three friends. Kira is a succesful Poetry Slammer and writes about her
personal experiences on her Blog Neuland.
Difficult. There are so many different and wonderful things, that I could never name them all, that make me happy. It starts with certain smells, like the scent of freshly brewed coffee in the morning... and then continues with the midday sun, and everything the world has to offer. And one can't forget, people. Although, I do first have to try and find out how exactly they make me happy. There are moments which I will always remember, like meeting up with old friends who I haven't seen in a long time. In situations like these I realise how absolutely happy I am! Reuniting with special people, who have been absent in one's life for a while, are so special...these are moments of real happiness!
Sometimes there are moments where everything just seems to flow... and I'm happy. Sometimes even over a longer period of time. It's often like that at the camp. (When we talk about the
"Camp", we mean a gathering of befriended people and families, who meet to camp together inspired by the traditions of the Lakota Indians in summer)
Everything just seems to be right. There is nature all around me, lovely people, and the feeling that I need to 'prove myself' just disappears. I can just be! Unfortunately, these moments in which everything just seems to flow naturally, seem to be deliberately separate from everyday life. Like the camp or experimental holidays to 'get back to nature'. The feeling of being needed and/or wanted can also be very nice. I experienced that, when I was looking after children in a summer camp. The ability of being able to give them something, was very fulfilling, but then also to have received so much joy from the children in return. It was a lovely experience. Another thing, is the realisation that one is gifted...in this case, the realisation that I had a certain natural ability to work with children...Perhaps one could broadly describe it like that...
I think I have a pretty complex history with home in general, as well as with the feeling of being home. You once told me something about myself, not so long ago actually. You said that for you it seems like I am constantly seeking for a place were I can feel comfortable and safe and because I never know if the next place I am going to go is safe, its the most secure thing to do to stay where I am. ...and that somehow holds truth for me and explains some of my inner conflicts. And of course there are some places which I feel more drawn to than others, like the camp.
The constant movement between places and never being able to just stay somewhere, since...since I was born really...has been pretty difficult. (Kira's parents separated one year after she was born, and she moved weekly between them as a child) I never really learnt what it meant to have a stable home. I would love to learn how to build better relationships to places. I think that I could probably call more places than I'm aware of, home. I would absolutely love to have the trust and confidence in myself, to know that I am welcome anywhere in the world and that even if my surroundings aren't perfect, I have a home in myself and the strength to keep moving forward. I think I am slowly getting there, because more and more I am beginning to believe that I can feel at home anywhere. I'm not quite there yet, though...
I used to consciously throw myself into the deep end, by trying to put myself into situations which I was very afraid of. WOW...that was an interesting time. It wasn't all bad thought, a lot of good things emerged as well. I met a lot of really cool people. At that time, I believed that confrontation was the solution. I don't believe that anymore. I think one should take the time one needs for things, and one doesn't have to make things more difficult than they are. Even now, as I begin my next big journey as a student, I am trying to make it as enjoyable and structured as possible. It has a lot to do with relationships. Contact with those around you. When you take the time to get to know the people around you, as well as to help them get to know you, you feel more comfortable around each other and start to care more for one another.
Finally, home for me, is also connected to beauty. Is the place pretty or not?...For me, nature often holds the meaning of beauty.
It definitely starts with what I have just mentioned; about growing up between places and parents. That had...quite an impact on me. It...damaged something in me, which I am now trying to slowly repair, and which has impacted my whole life. Fear...I think that's how I'd describe it. I consider myself to be quite a fearful person. On the one hand, I love life...social interaction, recklessness, excitement and the freedom to follow ones dreams, but at the same time, I'm afraid to do so. I swing between these two extremes at the moment. I don't know if it's true, but I often think that I am more afraid than other people.
Secondly, now that I'm thinking about it, my father has also been very influential. My mother was always there when I needed someone to talk to; when I needed advice and my father was always more of a role model. I really appreciate a lot of what he does and how he does it. If someone were to compare me to my father, I'd be pretty proud! My dad has always had a VW camper van, which was a big part of my childhood. Recently, I've been thinking and I think I'd like to buy myself one too because it's a lovely way to travel.
My parents are very different. My father is more...alternative, and I'm so happy that he took me with him to so many different places. Travelling with him, I met so many people who I otherwise would never have had the pleasure of meeting. It really was a privilege and an eye-opener to different ways of life, ways of thinking and ways of perceiving the world.
The camp has also been very important. Simply because I know a lot of people there, who are now very important to me, and because it's a place which I can always return to. It feels like a family.
Oh! I'd also say that school was very influential. I don't know if I'm glorifying it, but I just really loved school! Firstly, I went to a Waldorf school, which is probably important to mention, because things like learning through games and the year-long projects totally suited me. I also always had the feeling that I was seen and enabled. All the teachers helped me believe ...that I was capable...that my opinions were important. It was a really positive feeling. There are so many interconnected and overlapping moments and experiences ...and they are all important! The time with you and the horses, for example.
And as I mentioned before: At some point I decided to actively confront all the things I was afraid of. Kind of like a personal challenge; My fight against fear. During this time I also met...or found, my boyfriend. Somehow, something else also began...something which I am very grateful for and which makes me very happy...The right people, seem always to have arrived in my life, at the right time. They have given me a really strong belief that "you can do everything you want to , and that it's fine as long as you are happy". A lot more is possible than one normally realizes. There is so much around me, and I often just stumble into situations, which always seem to have positive outcomes. The 'Schulfrei Festival' which I'm helping to organize, for example.
You are still an important part of my life...I don't know if you want to write that though. The continuity and stable nature of our friendship, means a lot to me. It's not dramatic, but I know it's something I can rely on. That also makes me happy, by the way.
Alexandre's question: Which is the happiest animal in the world? Which animal would you like to be?
I honestly think, all animals are happy! (Apart from obvious situations like, a caged dog or a laying hen) I think animals have a better capacity for happiness than humans. Simply because they live in the moment. I don't think animals worry themselves about the future like we do. One of the main reasons for unhappiness, is fussing and worrying about things which haven't even happened yet.
Now, because every animal, according to the above, would be a good choice, I would like to choose an animal, which would enable me to do or experience something, which is not possible in my human body. Perhaps a bird, for example...this would allow me to fly...or a water animal...or a monkey : )
Kira's question: What do you do, when fear becomes overwhelming?
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